On meeting expectations

In my life update from last week, I talked about how one of my goals for the rest of the year is that I want to hang out with people that make me feel good and happy. And more specifically, I no longer want to hang out with people just because they are in a similar situation as me. And I thought that point required a bit more of an explanation.

Everyone has expectations of the people around them. That’s just part of being human. And subconsciously, we try to fit into the role that people give us in their minds. Again, there’s nothing wrong with that. We all do it. Until it starts to make you feel like you can’t actually be yourself.

I hang out with a lot of people that I wouldn’t say I’m friends with, but that I do enjoy spending time with because they don’t expect anything from me. They just let me do whatever I want and allow me to be myself.

Last weekend, I went out with someone new, and she very clearly had certain expectations of me. I tried to meet those expectations, even though they were in complete contradiction to who I am as a person.

That doesn’t mean that she’s a bad person and that I didn’t enjoy hanging out with her. And I’m definitely not saying that it’s her fault I acted that way – I chose to try to meet her expectations, even if I wasn’t aware of it at the time.

Sometimes, you haven’t seen someone in a while, and you’ve changed. But you still expect that person to be the way they were when you last saw them. They expect the same and they try to put you back in the box that you used to fit in. And even if it doesn’t fit anymore, you try, because trying to fit is easier than trying to explain that you no longer fit into the box they want you to fit in. Does that make any sense?

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to stop hanging out with those people. It might sound harsh – but if you don’t feel good about yourself because of someone else’s expectations, you should really ask yourself if it’s worth it to keep them in your life.

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18 Comments

  1. Elizabeth O
    3 October 2019 / 12:48 pm

    I totally agree. As much as possible I try to stay away with toxic people that hinders me to grow as a person.

  2. 19 September 2019 / 5:00 pm

    The more the expectations the more the disappointments.. .. It is better to accept the truth as fast as one can.. .. Otherwise there would be heartbreaks.. ..

  3. 19 September 2019 / 2:10 pm

    I challenged myself to spend time with people who challenge me to be better and think good, and not necessarily make me feel good. Sometimes, we need that tough love from people who tell us the truth.

    • maartjevansandwijk
      Author
      19 September 2019 / 2:12 pm

      True, but I think there’s a difference between tough love and people expecting something from us that is completely out of character! 🙂

      • 19 September 2019 / 9:21 pm

        I’ve come to see that someone with the right kind of love will always challenge you to be better, and honestly, most of the times, they’ve seen our potential. We just need to see right! But for those who expect what’s out of place, I wouldn’t go there. We shouldn’t.

  4. Sundeep
    19 September 2019 / 12:31 pm

    It’s always good to socialise with a diverse set of people. This enables you to have different point of views as well as open you up to a lot of possibilities.

  5. Lana
    19 September 2019 / 4:39 am

    It’s another of life’s lessons—I like to think of the song “let it go!” Spend time with people that are high vibers❤️

  6. 18 September 2019 / 8:01 pm

    I really like the realist side of you girl.

    People change and that’s a fact, the quicker you understand, the better for you.

    Stay strong!

  7. 18 September 2019 / 6:25 pm

    That is absolutely true. Sometimes people just change, be it good or bad. I’ve learn to let people go especially if they are bringing negativity with them.

  8. aisasami
    18 September 2019 / 4:19 pm

    You speak the truth about how people change. I had to stop talking to someone this week because we are so different and he just tries to pull me down.

  9. 18 September 2019 / 1:33 pm

    Very true. It really is difficult when people near to you change. Sometimes they create negative vibes. Better to ignore them and go on with life.

  10. 18 September 2019 / 4:37 am

    I totally agree with you. Sometimes it is not easy to out grow people around you, but you just need to move on and hope that they will understand someday.

  11. Michael David Oyco
    18 September 2019 / 1:58 am

    As I have matured, my expectations to people grew less excepted foe selected people who I really know. Well, it will still depend on your own everything so nothing to blame here but yourself and how you interact and react on certain situations

  12. 18 September 2019 / 1:38 am

    It kinda hurts when people change but I think it’s part of life, change and we have to understand that it’s just the way it is.

  13. Emily Fata
    17 September 2019 / 6:02 pm

    I’ve found that I’ve had to let go of people who do not encourage or even repel against my personal growth. Though it can be difficult, it’s for the best.

  14. 17 September 2019 / 5:52 pm

    Your experience was the one to learn from, to discover your true sense of what you want and don’t want. These are precious moments that teach us and guide us. Thank you for sharing.

  15. Kate Murray
    17 September 2019 / 3:33 pm

    So true, I wish I would have learned my lesson earlier, but age is wisdom. It’s always better to spend time with people who build you up!

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